I Have No Idea

So we got this And then we got this Evidence of growth.  I love my human science experiments.   So not only do they grow and get larger and stranger, but they start having like their own ideas and ....comments.   Gross.  Oh!  And they start having boyfriends.  And kissing.  And giving mama heart attacks. Like for real.  And then I'm thinking I know I signed up for all of this but I thought it was like going to be all babies and fun stuff. I kinda forgot about the teenage part.  My bad.  But you can't like return them anywhere so, now what.  You gotta TALK to them.  That's the worst.   You created a personality that is now arguing with you.  Why did I do this to myself? Still, I want to squeeze her, she is so cute.  Helen.

It turns out I did not. So I’m still alive. And I also didn't swim last night with E. Though she did have her lesson. So the lesson. Okay I’m not trying to be rude but I think my swimming lessons consisted of Den throwing me in the pool and or ocean, smoking a cig, nodding and walking away. I vaguely remember a kickboard and some flutter kicking. I think I learned the strokes at Sandpipers in NYC in the winter, actually. There, I also learned how to make a flotation device out of a flannel shirt. For real. Sandpipers was dope. We used to go to the pool across from dangerous Asser Levy for lessons. It was this Olympic sized college pool in Hunter College and all the kids in the neighborhood signed up and were taught by this couple, I think last name Collins.  So mama swam and swam.  Mama could swim.  So basically I was good for being a lightening rod champ 25 yard dash kind of thing and then I dropped dead.  Like no stamina.  But for the one lap?   W...

What I forgot to tell you, Bloggy, is that tonight I get to swim with the fishes.  Oh dear lord, of course I mean Eleanor.  Not the mob kind. Stop crying Bloggy. YOU are as sensitive as my old Blog. Uh-oh.  Okay. dontmentiontheoldblog dontmetiontheoldblog.... Phew.  Anywhoozle, E and the swims.  Well I said she is a mini Nancy which mean her feet are webbed.  Not really besides we have already paid enough attention to E's feet.  She just loves the water the way the other two did NOT take to it. Like, I thought coming from me they would immediately administer fins from the hospital.  Meanwhile, E (me) likes to swim and light up a few cigs at the bottom and generally look at everyone's parts.  Which brings me back to the earlier posting of yes it might be time to shed a few pounds. But when I swim with E, she is hysterical. Obviously she is in charge.  I joined a pool this summer and it had five water slides and three diving boards an...

I really, really, really want to lose weight.  But I also really, really want to eat cheeseburgers with bacon on them.  With fried eggs on them.  With their brothers and sisters around them.  So it could be hard. I seriously just heard this dude say (assuming he is talking about his gf or wife ), "She's been up since six thirty in the morning." As if it were really time for her to take a break.  Um, it was ten am.  I'm like, welcome to being a regular adult who wakes up at a normal hour and is expected to function without napping ala preschool.  I dunno hopefully he was talking about his kid. See, Mommy has an issue sleeping.  I fall asleep with the old geezers and wake up consistently at 300am.  And I mean it's a done deal.  So I told my mom I just accept that I'm up and have started WALKING.   You know, for like the exercise and fresh air and birds and shit. And Grandma Patsy pointed out I could very well get picked up fo...

Okay I am blogging.   This is better than jogging.  I can only do one thing with ogging.  Blogging is like jogging though because once you start, you kind of have to follow through. And that's the end of that glamorous story. I started a DIFFERENT blog.  So DO NOT TELL my old blog I have a new blog.  Jeez, why are you always trying to start trouble? Let's see.  Where did we leave off?  Helen is a tween.  For reals.  Ted still punches anything that aggravates him and then steps over the body.  Eleanor is a mini-Nancy with Karl feet.  I was seriously looking at her feet the other day and I was like yo, you have a fifty-five year old man's feet on your...feet.  Or whatever.  Genetics be cray cray.  I mean really.   You can actually have someone's NOSE.  What is that all about.  So its like cloning but they mix up the pieces to be two people and then they throw in an aunt or uncle or something...